I never cared whether stories, discussion and the likes winded up in happy endings or not. Not really. It’s quite interesting though how some people suffer from an incessant desire for happy endings story-wise. like for every story, there should be a happy ending no matter what. Not until i was put to a challenge in a rather friendly way by a friend to tailor a ‘not happy ending joke’ that i had told her in to a happy ending story. as always, i find pleasure in uttering out the words “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED”.

So, let me take you back a little, started when i cracked one old joke for a friend which undoubtedly is far from a happy ending type. Yet, my friend is quite the staunch fun of happy endings. Therefore she asked me to complete the joke, in to a happy ending story instead.

Lets get to the joke part first. This guy (Timothy) falls for a girl and he can’t help it. one night he gathered his courage and decides to text her about how he feels. and the text reads, “Hello Doreen, i really love you, i want us to start dating, kindly reply asap and tell me how you feel”. a few seconds later he receives a message alert oh his phone. He was so scared and too tensed to open it that night so he decided not to check the message until the next morning when he’s less tense and in a better sense. So he went to sleep.

When he woke up the next day, he prayed seriously about the message for good news, went about doing his morning chores, brushed his teeth, had breakfast, took a bath, dressed himself up and then climbed in to the bed and picked the phone to read the message on his phone. This was the response he read: “Dear customer, you have insufficient balance to send this message. Please recharge your account and try again”.

And, that was the joke, obviously not a happy ending for this young guy.

This brings me to the very crux of this exact post, sorry for keeping you waiting folks. So, to honor my friend’s challenge, i cooked up something to fit to a not happy ending joke to happy ending story. If you don’t mind, read with me down below;

So, later after this guy reads the text message he long waited for, which is actually not exactly what he expected to receive, he rushes out of the bed, dressed in his pajamas (Who cares) and directly to the airtime/credit vendors. He purchases the phone credit and admittedly forgets his change because he is too rushy to remember (When a man loves a woman). Quickly he loads it.

after loading it, with his hands already sweaty on the phone, shaking and fidgeting, he starts to text again. He laments and chants same sweet words as they fall from mind to mouth to phone buttons. After texting, he pauses to re-read the text, letter by letter not mess it up.His fear for the response is already lost to accuracy of the text. Looking perplexed whether to send or not, he takes a huge sigh, breathes in, one hand on his forehead, the other holds barely holds the phone with quakes. finally ‘Message Sent” is what shows on his phone screen.

All this time, he was in the middle of the street, caught in the shady-blurred moment of wondering if the text is delivered or not, he is awaken by a hooting car which scares him to death (the things men do for love-risk their lives). As he paves way for the cars and clearing himself from the street, he realizes he is putting on only pajamas, somehow every one is keenly looking at him. he is sort of embarrassed.

Quickly he gathers him self and rushes back home. Tosses him self and lies on the couch, with belief that the bed is a bad omen as proved in the previous text (in the joke), therefore change of waiting scenery. His hands calmly pressed on his belly, his legs straightened and crossed, his eyes closed he silently swallows and gallops bits of saliva.
He is all covered in fear for the response, you could smell the fear miles away, even a blind man could see it. He thinks and thinks. Ultimately, he puts the phone in silence, throws it on the table and tries to forget about it, perhaps this could calm down his fear and panic. He pretends to be sleeping but it doesn’t help.

Amidst his inner fight to compound himself, a message alert pops in.
Swiftly he strays out of the couch upon hearing it as if a lunch bell was rung back in high school. His eyes sharply pointed to the phone, almost oozing out of their orbits, he breathes heavily, nearly peed in his pants (the fear of rejection).
He gathers him self up, picks up the phone, his face wrinkled, one could say its a 90-year-old face on such a young guy (but can you blame him)??
He slowly maneuvers through his phone and boom! he is in his inbox, and yes, it’s the response from the girl.
before opening the message, he could read a short line, like the starting part of the message, he could read the rest after opening the message fully the short line read, hello Timothy, Sorry….

This gives him a hypertension attack, like his heart is about to be ripped out through his mouth. He noticeably starts to shiver like his consumed by a plague.
For a while you could easily tell  his on his way to loosing his senses but, what the f**k, he finally opens the message and here is what it read.

“Hey Timothy, sorry, i couldn’t reply you right away, my phone was charging in my room. Thank you for the message, i got carried away when i read your message because i was wondering if by any chance you felt the same way i feel about you. reading your text message surely gave mean a comforting assurance of our mutual feeling. i just didn’t know how to say it to you all this time. So, how about African tea together for our first date this weekend? waiting for your reply asap”
Timothy couldn’t have been happier about this response, its like he was…..can’t even explain it. You know what i mean.

Join me to toast to “Happy Endings”.